As I begin to write this blog entry, I light my beautiful blue and spiritually charged pillar candle.
I light a few sticks of incense and just center myself and focus on my breath. It’s been awhile since I’ve visited this blog to write and now I wait for the words to come to me watching the candle flicker and inhale the exotic scent of musky orange spice. I spy an hour-glass which isn’t exactly an hour but 30 minutes on one side and 45 minutes on the other but I have no idea which side is which. I guess it doesn’t matter. ((FLIP))
Now that we are a couple of weeks into the new year and the excitement of the holidays seems to have died down (thankfully!) we can get back to the business at hand.
It seems like such a long, long time ago we had that last S3 circle but no we in fact carried on with our circle in December, the day after Christmas actually. It was fantastic! There was such incredible energy, soul cleansing and chakra clearing that we were all left tingling and completely grounded during the circle.
Although it seems like such a long time away, it is only two more weeks. I must say I am so very much looking forward to our next gathering of amazing feminine souls!
But today, I address something that is not always the most pleasant thing to talk about among ourselves and that is the issue of “trust”. Yet, as women who may serve Goddess Divine as priestesses who live a path of service, it is something that needs to be, from time to time, brought up and addressed. I am moved to share a recent experience that has caused me to contemplate my own inner motives, desires and make some changes in my life that reflect my devotion to my path of service and to Her.
Recently, a woman I considered to be a friend and sister-priestess decided to “break off” the friendship. While it was a little upsetting to have to lose a friend, I understand that life is a series of beginnings and endings and beginnings again. I take into account that some people come into your life to stay and some are just there for a time and when that time is has come to an end so does the relationship between you. However, what struck me the most about the “ending” of this friendship was in what was said and how it was done. For a moment, I was a bit floored and caused to wonder can there ever really be trust among women in ANY capacity, let alone a women’s gathering in so-called “safe-space.” My thoughts and feelings were that if a woman, a friend and sister-priestess can sink this low and try to kick below the belt as this person did then nothing is really safe, not even in the realm of women serving Goddess.
Because I felt so betrayed, my knee jerk reaction was to throw in the towel and stop the sacred work that I do in devotion to the Goddess Divine, to the Eternal and to women through Sister Spirit Sanctuary. Goddess in Her Divine Wisdom reminded me of my calling and the work I do helps many women. It is true, I have witnessed dynamic and amazing changes in women who have come to circle and created sacred space with other women, shared their stories, learned about themselves. I have indeed seen women be taken up with the Divine magic of Goddess and allowed Her to move in their lives transforming them by fire, by water, by earth, by air and by Her own Spirit. I realized that no matter how incredibly difficult this journey becomes or is at times or the hurt feelings I may get along the way, this is the path of service I was called to do. There is no break time, only service with a loving and open heart. And let me tell you, I was hurt and I felt very betrayed.
The Betrayal and Issues of Trust
When women share with one another whether in circle or over the phone or via email correspondence or any type of communication, especially sister-priestesses who are working towards removing the stereotype of women as catty, as petty and distrusting people, it is really hard when a sister-priestess breaks that trust. It feels as though as if the ideals of building sisterhood and sacred trust that you have been working very hard to create has just went up in flames! It does make you wonder as it did me, “Is this really possible? Am I just chasing some crazy pipe dream?” It shakes the foundation upon which you stand especially if you have given to actually feeling you could trust this woman in a sister-priestess capacity.
Why do I differentiate “sister-priestess” from friend? We have all been betrayed or kicked in the gut by a friend. We have all felt the sharp slice of the blade of broken trust many times in our life time. But one who walks the path of the priestess in service to Goddess Divine is held to a higher ethical standard of being. Because the path of the priestess is in many capacities a healing path, the priestess takes an oath when she dedicates to the Goddess much like the Hippocratic oath of physicians that is ” At first do no harm”. Of course we say it slightly different from “Harm none” or “For the Good of all” and other variations. But the bottom line is as priestess who seek to heal the planet and the hurting souls of Her people, we do not purposely seek out to cause pain or grief to others on any level. So when one who is considered a sister-priestess for whatever reason does not strive to live up to what she has proclaimed to value, honor and live by and deliberately goes out of her way to cause grief to another individual by the breaking of bonds of trust, then “Houston, we have a problem.”
I will sum it up to say that there were many things shared with this one I considered friend and trusted sister-priestess that when she decided the time was right for her to end the friendship also felt it was apparently OK for her to use the things I shared with her in confidence, that had absolutely no bearing on our friendship, nor had anything to do with her or her life whatsoever as reasons to justify the dissolution of friendship. Instead of showing any of the integrity of the sister-priestess she purports herself to be and end the friendship with class and grace which is becoming of one who walks the sacred path of the Goddess Divine, who lives to serve Her daughters, she chose to take the things I said to her in confidence about my own life, my own issues and struggles and throw it back in my face all to justify her reasons for ending the friendship.
Whatever her reasons in truth actually were, I’ll never know as she was not honest about it all. I also know this was more about her then it is about me if not all about her and not at all about me. It also doesn’t matter to me at this point. I wish her well on her journey wherever it might lead her. However, even with this knowledge it doesn’t make one feel better about the betrayal of an ideal, that of “Sacred Trust“. We as women of Goddess, as priestesses on this path work hard to create sacred and safe environments for women to share their feelings, their issues and their secrets. It is in this sacred sharing that women begin to remove the onion-like layers to reveal their authentic selves. This is important whether in circle of women or just two women. Our power comes from being able to share and share freely. When that trust is violated, pain and hurt are a result and women will withdraw and no longer share and our power is taken away.
Thankfully, although my belief in the ideal of “Sacred Trust” was indeed shaken, it was not broken. I have taken this lesson to heart and it has only caused me to strengthen my own resolve as a daughter who serves Goddess Divine on this path of service. I realize that perhaps because I want so much to believe that sacred trust can be realized between women in any capacity that I gave trust too freely where it wasn’t truly deserved. I had assumed that because this person called herself a “sister-priestess” and friend to me, that because she said she was a priestess and had been one for many years and was in fact a feminist that was aiming for the same goal of sisterhood that she could be trusted. I was wrong. And now I have been set back on my course.
Will I trust other sister-priestesses in the future? Sure I will. Will I be burned and hurt again? I have no doubt about it because we are human first and we are prone to error, not perfection. But I will be more cautious to whom I give my “sacred trust” to only giving it to those who sincerely earn it and not just because I believe in and strive towards an ideal of bonding, sisterhood and trust between women. And to this future, I leave my heart open to receive the blessings of the Eternal Goddess Divine.