When I was younger I was constantly asked what I was going to do with my life and how I was going to do it.
I didn’t mind the what question so much but I literally despised being asked how I was going to do whatever it was I intended. What did it really matter how I did something as long as I did something?
I usually always achieved whatever I decided I was doing. I didn’t spend much time dwelling on it, I just grabbed that wild bull by the horns like a rodeo queen and rode that wave of inspiration until I manifested and accomplished whatever it was I set out to do.
I became a mother at the age of 18. An adult by legal standards but the reality was I was still very much a child. I had to grow up and do it fast. During this growth process, I still rode out waves of inspiration without thinking too much about it but now, I did it more cautiously because now I had to be responsible. Over time, as I grew up and in effort to be seen as a young, responsible adult, I didn’t do things on- the -whim. I began to plan things out. I would come up with a goal-set, then I would project how it was going to happen and what I would need to do it.
This rarely worked out for me. Instead of being able to ride those white hot flashes of inspiration, I would think about them. Unfortunately, the more I thought about them, the more I planned, the more I thought about the pros and the cons, the more frustrated I became. Eventually, after all that thought, that white hot flash was nothing more than a shadow of a memory of what might have been.
I am a place in my life right now where many things are changing. Yes, I’m going through a change and it’s not menopause. It’s something that is beyond the physical, hormonal and cellular changes that take place during menopause.
It is an alchemy of spirit. An awakening of Spirit. A search for something lost a long time ago; a Shadow Dance, a Breakthrough and a reuniting with my own Beloved Self.
I am who I’ve been looking for all these years.
In my personal blog I’ve been sharing parts of this journey. It’s really not for the faint of heart; it’s raw, it’s honest and real. But it has brought me to where I am with so many things in my life today.
One of those things I began thinking about what I wanted to do with my life now. I started thinking, dreaming, planning things out, you know, setting goals, the adult thing to do. Of course, I hit the same four walls that I kept hitting for years; I put far too much thought into whatever I had an idea for and before you know it, the dream was nothing more than a fleeting idea.
Gone before it ever began.
It made me think about how it was when I was younger and how I would fearlessly jump on that wave of energy and ride it out until I achieved what I wanted.
All that mattered was that I had to really want it. I made the mental connection; the idea. But it was heart and soul connection to my desire that were the motivators. They were fire and fuel I needed to make that desire come to be.
Let me say for the record that I’m not against goal-setting. Goal-setting is good. It’s all the plotting, planning and research that kills the dream before it ever has a chance to be born.
Dreams are made to be lived, to be made manifest in this reality. Not just dreamed about taking up head space and putting a hopeless desire in ones heart.
It’s time to wake up and be the dream instead of the dreamer dreaming dreams.
That quote was inspired my thoughts today looking around at others doing what they love and living their dreams. I remembered what it was like when I was doing instead of dreaming. I didn’t ask questions, I knew what I wanted and I just did it.
The how wasn’t really important, only the result was. Now of course, I’m not so blind to the real world and naturally, I have to give a little thought to the how because it is somewhat important. There are boundaries I won’t cross in getting what I want. Aside from those things though, little energy is put into the wondering how I’m going to do it and instead, is being channeled into becoming the dream.
I’m daring to step out into the unknown, following where my dreams take me. Some might find this “Throw caution to the wind” attitude careless.
From my own personal journey recently, I have come to believe that it’s far more careless not to! It’s careless and irresponsible and even reckless not to follow the true desires of our own soul and instead become willing victims of others expectations of our lives.
It’s safe, this is true. You might even grow old being very happy but always looking back with regret wondering, “What if I had….?”
But you didn’t.
Live for today. There is no tomorrow until it’s here. There is no future; you’re living it right now.
You might as well be living your dream.